A Laugh for the Weekend!

And now for the 3rd installment of the Jokes posts! (you aren't getting tired of these are you?)

Joke 1:

A blond's 1st nine months of the year:

January: Returned scarf to store. It was too smallFebruary: Got stuck on an escelator for 2 hours. Power went out.March: Complained to the candy company for falsely maketing their candy. Instead of getting M&M's I got W&W'sApril: Tried to patent my idea for ejector seats in helicopters. (it didn't work out.)May: Took my computer to get fixed. It kept saying I had mail but the mailbox was EMPTY!June: Had to take my cat to the vet. He got his head stuck in a glass jar and I used the hammer to get him out.July: Failed my breast stroke in swimming class. Found out later that the rest of the students cheating and used their arms.August: Had to take my child to the ER. She ate ants and I fed her bug killerSeptember: Finished my puzzle in 6 months! (the box said 2 to 4 years)

Joke 2:
What do you get when you cross Lassie with a pit bull?


A dog that chews your legs off and then runs for help.

Jokes: Part Deux!

Joke 1:
      A blond is driving down the road listening to the radio, but no matter what station she turns the radio to there is always someone making fun of the 'dumb blonds.' So she turns the radio off and wallows in her anger. She keeps driving along when she passes a large open field. In the field is a blond sitting in a
rowboat desperately trying to paddle  her way out of the field. Well, the blond driving the car decides to do something about his to prove to the world that there is at least one smart blond out there. She pulls over to the edge of field, opens her door, stomps over to the edge of the field and yells to the
blond rowing (in the field, remember), "HEY YOU! You are a disgrace to all the blonds out there! You're making the rest of us look bad! If I could swim I would come over there and knock you out of the boat myself!"

Joke 2 (not a blond joke):
     This man is driving home one day, he's coming home from signing his divorce papers, when all of a sudden a genie is standing in the middle of the road. Terrified (and excited) the man slams on the brakes and gets out of his car. The genie looks at the man and says, "I will grant you 3 wishes. BUT whatever you wish for your ex-wife is going to get double." The man ponders this for a moment then agrees. "I wish for 2 million dollars," he says. He gets 2 million dollars and his ex gets 4 millions dollars. "I wish for a 3 million dollar home," he says for his second wish. He gets his house and his ex gets a 6 million dollar house. The genie interrupts him and says, "This is your last wish." The man nods then asks quietly, "I wish for you to beat me half to death."


Stay tuned: MORE TO COME!! :)

Jokes: Part Une!

    Well, I love to laugh. (Bet you couldn't figure that out with all my little smiley faces everywhere, huh?) My favorite jokes are the blond jokes. So I'm going to tell some of my favorites here (blonds pleases do get offended and take into consideration that I am partly blond myself):

Joke 1:
      A red-head, a brunette, and a blond are all slated to be executed. Their execution date finally arrives and they are marched out into an enclosed area where they are to be shot. The red-head gets up and walks into the middle of the area. Just before the firing squad fires she yells, "TORNADO!!!," the firing squad is distracted and the red-head gets away. The brunette also walks into the middle of the area and just before she's shot she yells,"EARTHQUAKE!!" And she gets away. The blond walks into the middle and, using the red-head and brunette's method, yells as loud as possible,"FIRE!!!!" She was shot without hesitation.

Joke 2:
      A red-head, a brunette, and a blond are stranded on top of a tower. After hours of waiting a fairy godmother comes along and says that she will get them off the tower by having them jump off yelling whatever they would like to land on. So the red-head gets up to the edge yells, "Clothes!" She falls unharmed into a big pile of clothes. The brunette gets up to the edge and yells, "Money!" She lands in a big pile of money. The blonds gets up to the edge and right before she jumps she trips
and yells,"Aw, CRAP!" 

(What a nasty way to break a fall...)

Those are only 2 jokes of the hundreds of jokes I know. Stay tuned to hear more! And as always thanks for stopping by to enjoy the fun! :D  :D